Some things never change. Sadly.

Not much has disappointed me more lately, or made me worry so far into the future than the reactions-I think it is referred to as "fall out" from the whole Rihanna/Chris Brown nightmare. Nightmare for her, that is. HE has garnered his fair share of "support" from fellow celebrities like Kanye West, who seems to think that poor old Chris made a "mistake" and all of us uptight folks should forgive and forget. I made the mistake of reading comments posted on website accounts of his alleged beating of her in his car. I felt as though some sort of bizarre time machine had magically whisked me back to a time when a situation like this put the spotlight-and the blame-squarely on the woman for "provoking" him. Because smashing her face, choking, and biting her is certainly an understandable reaction to a text message.
I worry beyond worry that Flipper will find herself in an unhealthy, abusive relationship. I say "find herself" because that is exactly what happens: you wake up one day, look around, and realize you not only no longer recognize the person you fell in love with, but you no longer even recognize yourself. You have become the friend you dropped because her repeated return to live with the man that slammed her up against a car outside a restaurant means you lost all respect for her, you have become a person you pity. You cannot even respect yourself. It has happened to me. And my sister. And more friends than I can count. Friends that cannot have a Facebook account because they are afraid they will be found. And stalked. I actually thought that "the younger generation" was smarter, more aware. That if, as an excellent Newsweek editorial pointed out, Rihanna had reported that a stranger attacked her, no one would ask what she did to "provoke" him. But I was wrong.
No parent wants to raise a future abuser OR victim. I actually have no idea how to instill in Flipper the knowledge that her love for another cannot help him or her, that she cannot "cure" an abuser by loving them unconditionally. Or that just as it is hard to fall in love in 5 minutes, it is equally hard to fall OUT of love in five minutes...even if those 5 minutes were violent and terrifying. Many women with excellent self-esteem find themselves making excuses, walking eggshells, becoming a stranger to herself. I can make it easy for her to walk away-as my own parents did by having an "open door" policy. She and I can talk about it, I can pull up the current celebrity case and use it as an example. And I can rest easy in the knowledge that her father sets an excellent example for her of respect and love and the belief she can be anyone, do anything. But I also know that I can do all of this, and it still may not work. Her loving, open, heart may lead her into trouble one day. And if it does, I hope everyone around her will not just show their support for her, but their condemnation for him. For, as the Newsweek article pointed out, leaving a turkey to burn in the oven is a "mistake," beating another human that you profess to love is a deliberate act.